The Scary Truth About Cheating Spouses

Adultery. What a terrifying word. When one thinks of adultery, one thinks of some soap-opera or a story about a neighbor - rarely does anyone plan to have a cheating spouse in their own home. That is, until one day you fear you're spouse is cheating on you.

At the start, the realization of an affair is a tiny alarm going off on your internal radar. Your spouses comings and goings start to raise your now heightened awareness. Perhaps he/she has received one too many phone calls at strange hours. Maybe your spouse is exhibiting signs on unexplained joy and it catches your attention. Bottom line is, most betrayed spouses can pinpoint the exact moment when infidelity became a very real reality in their life.

While not all affairs are the same, the majority of cheating spouses have some dirty little secrets in common. These same secrets are the tool to your sanity as you can learn these, look for them in your spouse, and then empower yourself to take the action you choose to take.

Cheating spouses hate lying to you - at first. Yes, it is true. Most spouses that are cheating really struggle with the dishonesty at first. Over time, the guilt becomes dull, and lying becomes a way of life and a matter of survival. If your spouse is portraying a very guilty attitude around you of late, you may have caught him/her at the beginning of an affair.

Cheating spouses are the most stressed out human beings you may ever meet. The stress of lying, keeping up two lives, keeping all their stories straight, and trying to keep two partners happy can be over-whelming. While a new affair is not as stressful as one that has been on-going, the majority of cheating spouses sub-consciously wish they would get caught so someone would force them to end it.

Unfaithful spouses need today's technology to keep the affair alive. Email and cell phones make infidelity much easier to maintain - and also make affairs much easier to being in the first place. If you suspect infidelity in your relationship, start by checking all email and cell phone accounts. Any unknown email address or cell phone number should be traced for your peace of mind.

Not all cheating spouses are degenerate scum-bags. Affairs happen to good people. Yes, affairs can even happen to a spouse that is worth keeping. The fear of being tagged a "degenerate" due to a lapse in moral judgment keeps most cheating spouses living a lie.

If an affair is confirmed in your relationship, remember one thing. The next steps, actions and efforts are about you, the betrayed spouse. Do not waste your energy dwelling on the other woman (or man), do not waste your energy on the guilty spouse. You have just had a traumatic experience happen that will center around trust. The misconception is that healing from an affair involves learning to trust your spouse again. While this is on the list of future things to deal with, it is not your immediate concern. Your first concern will be to learn to trust YOURSELF again.

Unfaithful spouses rely on the self-doubt betrayed spouses bring into their minds. The desire to trust your spouse is far more powerful than your desire to find out your spouse is not trust-worthy. When cheating is confirmed, the first victim to be healed is the betrayed spouse - You. Take every bit of time you need for yourself and try to heal yourself before you begin any other major changes in your life. A worthy spouse will wait.